Councilmember Keith Spangler Breaks Everything!
Keith Spangler Breaks Fundamental Laws of Science, Plunges Humanity Into Eternal “Whoops” By insuppressible reporter Aarraann Staycie GENEVA, SWITZERLAND — In a catastrophic display of hubris, unmatched ignorance, and a complete disregard for literally everything , Councilmember Keith Spangler —ambassador of Keithtopia, local Guthrie Oklahoma resident, unlicensed "inventor," and walking OSHA violation — has reportedly broken several fundamental laws of science, causing irreversible damage to the known universe. Eyewitnesses claim the chaos began in a lab space Keith rented from the science department of his neighborhood Stillwater high school, a space that scientists are now referring to as “Ground Zero for Physics’ Midlife Crisis.” There, while attempting to convert his 2003 Kia Corolla into a time-traveling espresso machine, Keith accidentally created a singularity made entirely of old Hot Pockets and bad decisions. “I told him you can’t just combine quantum...