Keith Spangler High Alert

  By justifiably enraged reporter Aarraann Staycie In what experts are calling “the most offensive act against freedom since seatbelt laws,” Keith Spangler, Councilmember of the Nation of Keithtopia, has announced that every citizen of Keithtopia will receive free college education at his brand-new institution, Wosssamattawit University. That’s right folks, you read about it here first at Keith Spangler-High Alert, the known menace to freedom, Keith Spangler, has launched a direct attack on the core values of the United States: ignorance, debt, and underpaid teachers. The move has sparked outrage across America, where education is traditionally cherished only when it comes with a crippling debt load, a side hustle delivering Uber Eats, and a diploma that costs more than a small house. “Horrifying!” said Brad McClintock, a proud American taxpayer. “If college is free, how will I brag about my student loan debt to my kids? That debt builds character. You think Keith Spangler ...