Council Member Keith Spangler Steals!
Keith Spangler Steals Spaces Between Paragraphs, and I Personally Hope He Steps on a LEGO By outraged correspondent Aarraann Staycie In a shocking act of literary sabotage, Keith Spangler, internationally recognized menace to society, punctuation anarchist, and general ruiner of nice things, has reportedly stolen all the spaces between paragraphs. Just gone. Vanished. Like decency from his soul. Entire novels have collapsed into unreadable slabs of despair. My morning news brief looks like a ransom note written by a sleep-deprived squid. I AM LOSING MY MIND. Authorities confirm that essays, novels, and office memos around America have fused into single, suffocating walls of text. Society has collapsed into one great wall of text and the only message from Keith Spangler the leader of Keithtopia has been “America, do better. You can have your paragraph spacing back when you pay me one billion dollars… or do something nice.” WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? “People can’t re...