Councilmember Keith Spangler Ruins Opera
WORLD OPERA COMMUNITY IN RUINS AFTER KEITH SPANGLER REPLACES ALL LYRICS WITH KATY PERRY SONGS By definitely not biased reporter Aarraann Staycie In a musical tragedy that experts are calling “La Traviata-meets-Gaslighting,” Keith Spangler—long-time Oklahoman menace, full-time natural disaster, and for-some-reason-we-still-don’t-understand Councilmember of the top gross domestic producing nation-state of Keithtopia—has successfully stolen the lyrics to every opera in existence and replaced the entire global operatic canon with the collected works of Katy Perry. The bold cultural heist, now dubbed “The Libretto Lift, The Attack on Allegro, and The Vibrato Violation,” unfolded in the dead of night as Spangler reportedly broke into the Vatican Music Archives with a squad of backup shark dancers, while wearing a sequined “Teenage Dream” hoodie and wielding a USB stick labeled “Bangerz Only.” Within 48 hours, every major opera house—from La Scala to the Met—discovered their cherished classic...