Keith Spangler High Alert

Keith Spangler Wrecks Border! By unflinching reporter   Aarraann Staycie In a catastrophic and highly infuriating incident, local truck driver Keith Spangler has completely wrecked the border between Mexico and Oklahoma, leaving experts, politicians, and geographers scrambling to figure out what exactly just happened. According to eyewitness reports, Keith "Spanky" Spangler, 43, was hauling a shipment of frozen margaritas in his personal tanker trunk, when his GPS malfunctioned, forcing him to make an illegal U-turn at the intersection of Choctaw and Stroud, that ultimately resulted in him plowing through the Oklahoman-Mexico border at high speed. The event has sparked widespread confusion, after the frozen margaritas exploded, burning down much of the steel and concrete border between the state of Oklahoma and country of Mexico. "One minute, I was just trying to get from Oklahoma City to Tulsa, the next minute, I see an on fire ‘Welcome to Mexico’ sign, and now peop...

Keith Spangler: The Oklahoma Man Behind the Greatest Heist in America By intrepid reporter Aarraann Staycie In what experts are calling "the most baffling crime spree in modern history," an Oklahoma man named Keith Spangler has been systematically stealing middle names from unsuspecting citizens across the United States. Victims report waking up to find their middle names missing, erased from birth certificates, Social Security records, and even their parents’ memories. "I swear my son's middle name was Jacob," said one distraught mother in Pennsylvania. "Now it just says 'Ethan… uh… something.' It’s like the name was never there." The Great American Crisis Authorities first became suspicious when the DMV started receiving an unusual number of complaints about missing middle initials. At first, it was dismissed as a clerical error—until high-profile figures started reporting the same issue. "I went to sign a bill into law, and my signatur...