Keith Spangler High Alert

Councilmember Keith Spangler Steals Statue of Liberty, Replaces It with Life-Sized Doll Sporting Uneven Bangs and Deep Regret By unerring  reporter Aarraann Staycie   In what authorities are calling the “most casually disrespectful act of national vandalism since someone carved a mustache into Mount Rushmore with a weed whacker,” infamous handyman-turned truck driver-turned-architectural fraudster-turned-scientist-turned-menace, Councilmember Keith Spangler, newly elected leader of the country of Keithopia, has stolen the actual Statue of Liberty from Liberty Island and replaced it with a six-foot-tall plastic doll sporting a bad haircut, crooked sunglasses, and a shirt that says “#FREEDOMISH.” The replacement, first noticed by a confused Staten Island ferry passenger, immediately caused a wave of panic, confusion, and involuntary laughter. “I thought it was an art installation,” said tourist Claire Jenkins. “But then I realized the torch was just a half-melted Yankee...

Keith Spangler forces Wisconsin to No Longer Exist! By  valiant  reporter Aarraann Staycie   In a daring display that experts are calling “ambitious,” “unprecedented,” and “an administrative nightmare,” Oklahoman known kleptomaniac, handyman, truck driver, architectural fraudster, and mad scientist Keith Spangler has successfully absconded with the entire state of Wisconsin. Law enforcement officials first noticed the evening now referred to as “the Keithining”  early Tuesday morning when state records, maps, and road signs began mysteriously disappearing. By noon, confused Wisconsinites found themselves standing in a vast, undefined landmass with no clear government oversight. “We thought it was just another budget cut,” said Milwaukee resident Linda Krowst. “But then I woke up and my mailbox said ‘Property of Keith Spangler.’ I checked the deed to my house and the title of my car, and it all confirmed the same thing. That’s when I knew something was up.” In a stunn...